Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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