I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
