So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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