found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
