The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
