Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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