Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
