I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
