I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
