wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
