i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
