woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
