mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
