I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
