it wasn't lemon gatorade
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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