i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
