I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
