i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
