So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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