you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
