and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
