You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
