i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
