I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
