college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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