He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
