If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
