No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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