Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
