I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
