I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
