My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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