i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
