Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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