So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
