She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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