Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
