i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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