I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
