talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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