hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
