Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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