Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
