hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
