You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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