It's Friday. Sex?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
