he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
