remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
