i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love you. Go after that dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
