I need help removing her.
one two three fourrrrnication!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
