tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
