How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
