having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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