Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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