its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
