I hate all girls vehemently.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
