nut hugger
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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