I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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